Get Real Chronicles

Halloween 2010:

Every year we generally alternate who hands out candy and who escorts the kids around in the neighborhood. Even though it was my year to hand out candy, my husband said he would do it since our youngest was going to walk around with a friend. Even before we left, I could tell the kids/adults were going to crack up at him. It was cooler outside this year so he decided to wear his inflatable SUMO Costume and hand out candy on the corner of our street. This seemed plausable that this was going to cause a bit of activity if not a traffic jam.


Our neighborhood isn’t huge, I think at the beginning of the project the developer said there would be around 400 houses, but since the housing crunch it probably doesn’t have half that many. We do live in a smaller town of course it has had a growth spurt in the last 5-7 years. I say this because our neighborhood gets hammered with kids at Halloween. My husband said we had over 100 kids within the first 20 minutes! So our 16 bags of candy didn’t really go that far to be honest.  I think if we had more candy he may have seen more action!


As our group made our way back down to our street we notice there wasn't a Suma on the corner anymore.  Concerned on where he was and I wanted to check in. I called to let him know where we were and ask when he ran out of candy?  He told me he ran out about 10-20 minutes prior.  I said we were almost done and suggested he meet us down the street.


When he found us he said, "You will not believe what happened!"  
I said, “What?”

He said that everyone wanted to TOUCH him - - his suit! As you can imagine I started to snicker and said, “Really - who”? He said, “Everyone”! He said, “What’s worse is a group of teenage girls came up to me and asked if they could touch me (the suit) and one went for the nipple (Rubbing it) said ‘Oh that feels good’”. Shaking his head he laughed and said, “She will make a boyfriend or husband very happy one day”. 

He then went on to say he must have been touched one too many times because his suit deflated!


This has to be one of the funniest stories someone has told me in a long time!

I have to say without a doubt kids are the funniest things on this planet, as Bill Cosby knows for a fact, "They say the Darndest Things"!

To be honest I am not sure how this topic came up.  I was either outside or in another room at the time when the discussion came up.

In the summer of 1973 a family friend ask me, "Are you prejudice?"  Since I was only nine at the time and (for the record I have never heard the word before) replied, "No, I am Sagittarius".  As you can imagine this got everyone laughing - though I still didn't know I had said anything funny. 

After everyone stopped laughing it was explained to me what prejudice meant.  I replied, "No, I am not prejudice then." 

This funny one-liner still comes up at family gatherings.  I now reply, "What is important is what is on the INSIDE not the OUTSIDE!"

Before I begin I want to say I am NOT naming any names other than myself.  Just to keeping that part private.

I have to say I should be a PRO on this talk by now, since we have two older daughters and one older son, but for some reason this whole conversation  with the older ones somehow deleted itself in my "file cabinet" brain! 

A couple of weeks ago I went walking with a good friend AKA I have renamed her as my PT (Personal Trainer).  While walking she asked me if I had the BIG sex talk with our youngest?  I said, "Well, bits and pieces."  I went on to explain that I felt it necessary to tell her about puberty since girls develop earlier these days and didn't want her to be somewhere and her period started and freak her out.  I was pretty young and thought the chances were HIGH that it would happen.  PT said her kids don't tell her anything, well her daughter doesn't tell her anything, her son leans more with telling too much.  I must have given her a weird look because she said that her son had gone to a water park with a friend and was in the hotel room.  The boy starts to demonstrate "HOW TO KISS A GIRL" with a pillow.  We did have a laugh about it.   

We both agreed that these kids have to talk about things: boys, kissing (not pillows) and so on.  So I said on my way home I would ask the youngest and let her know what I learn.

So on the way home I said I need to ask you some questions.  The youngest turned and said, "Are you going to have the Sex Talk?"  Gotta love when they are too smart for their drawers!  I said well maybe some of it.  See she is only 9.5 years and I don't want to say TOO much, but want her to know the facts.  I was trying to keep it simple and not too technical (Body Parts).

:Remember I am driving:

I ask, "Do you and your friends when they get together ever talk about boys, kissing or things like that?" 

She didn't really seem interested in this line of questions and said No. 

I said, "Really, what do you all talk about then?"  Typical Mother response.  She said, "playing, barbies, video games stuff like that." 

I probably should know this already because I would ask when they got together if they talked about their summer vacation and I got a big fat no. 

I probably should have stopped there and said Okay, but sometimes you are provided with opportunities that you have to take in my opinion and so I continued, "Well, do you know where babies come from?" 

She said, "Yes, an egg."

So normally you would think Egg - Chicken, but I knew her and she is pretty science techie so I went on to say, "Well, yes but it takes something from the boys to make it a baby."  "That the boys pee pee (keeping is simple) has to go in the girls..." I got a very loud "EWWW that is so gross".  So I stopped, because I really had planned this conversation for maybe next year.  I said, "There is a reason why I am telling you all of this." 

She said, "Teenage Pregnancy?"  Again, gotta love the smart ones!  I said yes for one reason, plus I want to make sure you understand.  Sometime when friends get together they talk about this sort of things but they don't always get the facts right.  I want to make sure you do.  I said you can also get diseases that can kill you, STD's that can make your life uncomfortable for another reason.  The point is I want you to know you can ask me any question you want. 

She slumped down in the car and said,"This is embarrassing."  I said well yes it is but it probably would be more embarrassing talking to Daddy.  She said,
"Yes it would be."

As you can see I was floundering on the subject.  I was trying to keep it simple, not tell too much to freak her out, but I think doing a poor job at it truthfully. 

So as any teacher would say, "Do you have any questions? Any questions at all?"

She paused a second and said, "I have one... well two questions."  I thought oh good, but oh no did I really give you enough material for two questions??? 

I said "okay."

She said, "Is the Tooth Fairy and Santa real?" 

Did I happen to mention I was driving?  No we didn't wreck the truck, but I was glad we were stopped at a light when the question was asked.

I said, "What do you think?"  Bare in mind that The Tooth Fairy and Santa are big at our house.  I will post a couple letters for you to understand.

She said, "I think they are real, but my friend said they are not. " 

I knew that THIS conversation was going to happen this year.

I asked, "Do you really want me to tell you the truth?"

She said, "I already know they are not."  Which is opposite of what she just said.  So I asked, "Who do you think they are?"

She said, "I think you and Daddy are the Tooth Fairy and Santa."

I said, "Really?  You think Daddy would write you those letters??" 

She turned and smiled and said, "YOU are the Tooth Fairy and Daddy has to be Santa." 

I just laughed and said I am not really sure how this BIG talk went from sex to the Tooth Fairy and Santa.

To see most of the letters:

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=702175230&v=photos#!/album.php?aid=114648&id=702175230

I love this song as it is so pretty but, man oh man, is it long; six verses in fact, with a reprise. When I was asked to sing this at my Grandmother’s funeral, originally, I thought it would be during the service, but as the details finalized a decision was made to have me lead everyone at the grave site.


The plan was Luke Gordon, our neighbor, who was studying to be a minister, would open with a prayer, and say a couple of words about Gram. Then I would sing and he would say the closing prayer. Gram took care of Luke as a young boy and his younger brother and for him do the service added a more personal touch. I told Luke I was only singing two verses, first and second, because those were known the most, which he agreed. He wanted to keep the grave site service simple and quick.


I remembered when I exited our car the smell of fresh rain, pine needles and the heat struck me. If you are not from Texas, after a quick rain shower, it is usually followed with intense heat combined with humidity - almost like walking into a sauna.


As we walked through Hooks Cemetery to Gram’s grave what struck me was how hidden it was! The cemetery itself wasn’t big; in fact, if you were driving and didn’t know you would pass it. Walking through the woods on a gravel path, and trying to avoid the ant piles and the mosquitoes, we found her resting place.


When everyone stopped and gathered around the casket, my great uncle, Gram’s sister’s husband, who is also a minister, walked up to the casket and snapped off one of the roses and stuck it into his lapel and turned to get everyone’s attention.


I have to say this was confusing to the PLAN that Luke and I had set. Before I knew what happened, Luke’s service was altered and my Great Uncle had taken over. He placed his hand on my shoulder and announced that I would lead everyone in “Amazing Grace”. I turned around opening my hymnal with my left hand, looked up, and started to conduct with my right hand. It startled me that two feet in front of me was one of my cousin's, Darrell, who I didn’t know very well. I looked around to make sure everyone was ready when a swarm of mosquitoes descended on everyone in the service.


People were swatting the pests with their hands, purses or whatever they had handy. By the second verse (which I was going to stop) a mosquito flew into my mouth. I have to say singing, keeping your composure, trying NOT to spit out a mosquito because in most assuredly would land on your cousin is without a doubt one of the hardest things I have had to do. I tried to hurry the tempo, but Darrell; I found out really liked this song. He knew every verse and sang out with all his might.


By the third and fourth verses came along the mosquitoes decided to take up residence on my head, and from the looks of everyone else they were having the same problem. I will be honest and say I lost focus on the song. My right hand that was supposed to be leading the song was beating the wave of mosquitoes trying to go into my ears, up my nose and back into my mouth, but the tempo was solid. Of course, there was an added percussion with all the slapping going on and some choreography due to many shifting around “dancing” trying to avoid the invasion. My Mom had taken off her jacket to cover my youngest who was ten months old at the time. As we approached the final note of the song everyone gave a big sigh.


Many members of the family have been back to the cemetery without the swarm of mosquitoes. I know Gram was standing there watching and laughing. What a great send off for her to leave laughing.

One morning in my Senior year I woke up with my left knee was red and completely swollen.  There was no REAL reason for the swelling/redness; I had not injured it.

I am not sure what the time frame is on how long I waited to go to the doctor, but think after a couple of days I went. The nurse at the time, who was one scary person, informs me I had to go to the hospital, that I probably had a blood clot, Thrombophlebitis, and I could DIE.  They needed to run some tests make sure so I wouldn't DIE.  If I had one I couldn't have have children because I would DIE on the table.  She said DIE so many times that I didn't think I would DIE from my leg but a heart attack. I thought it was extremely overboard but, then I remembered my boyfriend was sitting in the waiting room.  I guess this was you form of Birth Control!  You also need to know at every doctor's visit this nurse was always wanting to give you a shot in the butt. 

As some of you may/may not know I launched a photography business this year, Snap Happy Photography. It is very excited, challenging and somewhat scary to be honest. 

In start mode, I have been looking for "interesting" locations to take pictures: Field-check, barn-check, rusty old truck/car-uncheck, different color/texture walls-uncheck, graffiti wall -uncheck.  This list is constantly changing. 

What is funny about that you might ask? 

Well, this past Saturday during breakfast the topic came up when we decided to go for a drive. The weather was absolutely beautiful, sunny and the air smelled crisp and clean. 

At breakfast my husband said that he thought he saw an old car "1970 something Charger" and maybe I could position client by. I thought that would be very cool because the Charger's were coming back, but I wanted to get permission for the owners because I didn't want to attempt a photo session without it.  I had a nightmare about this! 

We pulled into the driveway and before I got out of the car I pulled out one of my business cards to show I was legitimate. While I was walking up the gravel drive there were two more junk cars, another Charger and a Pinto hidden in some brush.  I rang the doorbell and a scruffy man came to the door.  I explained I am a photographer and always looking for places to take pictures and thought his old car, "Rusty Charger" would be interesting and could I get permission to photograph it.  *Below isn't the vehicle but it looks like it.  I would try and do a drive by (picture taking) which I say shoot, but because of the negative connotation I will say taking its picture.

I don't know if I struck him speechless or what.  He finally said, "I don't know what my wife would think about that." I guess once he found his tongue the dam was broken because a series of questions followed.  When was I going to do that? What day was I going to do that?  What I taking a picture of? 

I got the impression something FISHY was going on.  I restated that I was photographing a HS Senior and thought his old car in the front would be good.  That I would position him in front of it, but not get his house.  I only wanted the car and the senior.

He still looked uncertain to give me an answer. I said, "Well I had some time before the session, if he wanted talk it over with his wife he could give me a call.  My number is on the card."

I got weird vibes!  And for the record he has not called. 

I know I have not posted anything new to GRC, and believe me there has been a ton of comedy moments to capture so I will apologize and get back to it.

I can’t get it to stop and I honestly think it is due to NO sleep last night. Lately or should I say for awhile now, my poor husband has been suffering from RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome), I guess it has been roughly 10 years. * If you don’t know that story let me know because that is equally funny, but will skip it for now so the below won’t be too long.

Please note I am not making fun of the situation, but sometimes things happen that are too funny to ignore…this is one of them.

I knew I should have gone to sleep BEFORE my husband but he went to sleep with aid of a sleeping pill + leg pill(s) at 9:30pm. Note: I am not sure how many leg pills he took, normally it is only 1 unless he needs another one, but let me say he needs 2 per night, but he doesn’t believe me. I have thought maybe I should video tape the legs in action.

I was trying to finish a book I was reading so I stayed up till 10:30pm. As soon as I turned the lights out – and I kid you NOT – his legs started the “scratching noise”. Now in the past the “noise” leads twitching and the twitching can lead to legs coming off the bed. It just depends on if he took a pill/how many or if he is awake. Last night it was combined with quick hiccupping due to his hiatal hernia.

So you will have to picture this, a normal hiccup you get two beats HIC – UP. His was a HIC, HIC, HIC and a pause or a longer row of HICs before the pause.  He is completely asleep (Zonked out) when his legs start scratching/twitching on the bottom and hiccupping on the top end. I sat there a few minutes thinking is this going to stop? I didn’t know if I should try and wake him up to see if that would make it better or not. I ended up not doing it because he doesn’t sleep at all.  So I decided to the bed in the study.

I got up taking my pillows and making my way to the study in pitch black when I tripped over the trash can in the hallway that didn’t get put back after empting. Note: this could have been worse if I would have broken something or gone down the stairs.

After I get the bed situated, I hear our youngest daughter having a nightmare – thrashing about and moaning. I got up and went in to tell her it was okay (avoiding the trash can this time) and noticed her fan speed was on high, but shrugged it off because I thought she might want it that way. I got back into bed (study) all comfortable like and heard a big POP and sat up waiting for the dogs to go bananas which they didn’t. The pop I later deducted was one of her balloons popping. They are tied to her bed and due to the fan speed blew the balloons towards her bed and finally popped one.

I had forgotten that I set my phone alarm to wake up at six in the morning with a non-annoying ring tone (there wasn't much to choose from) and went in to turn it off.  My husband was reaching across the bed at the time and asked, "where were you?"  I said I had to sleep in the study.  He said, "why"?  I said and I am sure I had a look said, "well, with your legs and your hicups I had to find another bed."  I could tell he felt bad and I felt bad for him to be honest.  He said, "You know I wondered why that sleeping pill wore off by midnight."  I was thinking, "no wonder".  He then tells me he was having the craziest dream that he was aligning something and the noise he kept hearing in his dream was his hicupps.  I am not sure what my facial reaction was because I wanted to howl.