Get Real Chronicles

I have to say without a doubt kids are the funniest things on this planet, as Bill Cosby knows for a fact, "They say the Darndest Things"!

To be honest I am not sure how this topic came up.  I was either outside or in another room at the time when the discussion came up.

In the summer of 1973 a family friend ask me, "Are you prejudice?"  Since I was only nine at the time and (for the record I have never heard the word before) replied, "No, I am Sagittarius".  As you can imagine this got everyone laughing - though I still didn't know I had said anything funny. 

After everyone stopped laughing it was explained to me what prejudice meant.  I replied, "No, I am not prejudice then." 

This funny one-liner still comes up at family gatherings.  I now reply, "What is important is what is on the INSIDE not the OUTSIDE!"

Before I begin I want to say I am NOT naming any names other than myself.  Just to keeping that part private.

I have to say I should be a PRO on this talk by now, since we have two older daughters and one older son, but for some reason this whole conversation  with the older ones somehow deleted itself in my "file cabinet" brain! 

A couple of weeks ago I went walking with a good friend AKA I have renamed her as my PT (Personal Trainer).  While walking she asked me if I had the BIG sex talk with our youngest?  I said, "Well, bits and pieces."  I went on to explain that I felt it necessary to tell her about puberty since girls develop earlier these days and didn't want her to be somewhere and her period started and freak her out.  I was pretty young and thought the chances were HIGH that it would happen.  PT said her kids don't tell her anything, well her daughter doesn't tell her anything, her son leans more with telling too much.  I must have given her a weird look because she said that her son had gone to a water park with a friend and was in the hotel room.  The boy starts to demonstrate "HOW TO KISS A GIRL" with a pillow.  We did have a laugh about it.   

We both agreed that these kids have to talk about things: boys, kissing (not pillows) and so on.  So I said on my way home I would ask the youngest and let her know what I learn.

So on the way home I said I need to ask you some questions.  The youngest turned and said, "Are you going to have the Sex Talk?"  Gotta love when they are too smart for their drawers!  I said well maybe some of it.  See she is only 9.5 years and I don't want to say TOO much, but want her to know the facts.  I was trying to keep it simple and not too technical (Body Parts).

:Remember I am driving:

I ask, "Do you and your friends when they get together ever talk about boys, kissing or things like that?" 

She didn't really seem interested in this line of questions and said No. 

I said, "Really, what do you all talk about then?"  Typical Mother response.  She said, "playing, barbies, video games stuff like that." 

I probably should know this already because I would ask when they got together if they talked about their summer vacation and I got a big fat no. 

I probably should have stopped there and said Okay, but sometimes you are provided with opportunities that you have to take in my opinion and so I continued, "Well, do you know where babies come from?" 

She said, "Yes, an egg."

So normally you would think Egg - Chicken, but I knew her and she is pretty science techie so I went on to say, "Well, yes but it takes something from the boys to make it a baby."  "That the boys pee pee (keeping is simple) has to go in the girls..." I got a very loud "EWWW that is so gross".  So I stopped, because I really had planned this conversation for maybe next year.  I said, "There is a reason why I am telling you all of this." 

She said, "Teenage Pregnancy?"  Again, gotta love the smart ones!  I said yes for one reason, plus I want to make sure you understand.  Sometime when friends get together they talk about this sort of things but they don't always get the facts right.  I want to make sure you do.  I said you can also get diseases that can kill you, STD's that can make your life uncomfortable for another reason.  The point is I want you to know you can ask me any question you want. 

She slumped down in the car and said,"This is embarrassing."  I said well yes it is but it probably would be more embarrassing talking to Daddy.  She said,
"Yes it would be."

As you can see I was floundering on the subject.  I was trying to keep it simple, not tell too much to freak her out, but I think doing a poor job at it truthfully. 

So as any teacher would say, "Do you have any questions? Any questions at all?"

She paused a second and said, "I have one... well two questions."  I thought oh good, but oh no did I really give you enough material for two questions??? 

I said "okay."

She said, "Is the Tooth Fairy and Santa real?" 

Did I happen to mention I was driving?  No we didn't wreck the truck, but I was glad we were stopped at a light when the question was asked.

I said, "What do you think?"  Bare in mind that The Tooth Fairy and Santa are big at our house.  I will post a couple letters for you to understand.

She said, "I think they are real, but my friend said they are not. " 

I knew that THIS conversation was going to happen this year.

I asked, "Do you really want me to tell you the truth?"

She said, "I already know they are not."  Which is opposite of what she just said.  So I asked, "Who do you think they are?"

She said, "I think you and Daddy are the Tooth Fairy and Santa."

I said, "Really?  You think Daddy would write you those letters??" 

She turned and smiled and said, "YOU are the Tooth Fairy and Daddy has to be Santa." 

I just laughed and said I am not really sure how this BIG talk went from sex to the Tooth Fairy and Santa.

To see most of the letters:

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=702175230&v=photos#!/album.php?aid=114648&id=702175230

I love this song as it is so pretty but, man oh man, is it long; six verses in fact, with a reprise. When I was asked to sing this at my Grandmother’s funeral, originally, I thought it would be during the service, but as the details finalized a decision was made to have me lead everyone at the grave site.


The plan was Luke Gordon, our neighbor, who was studying to be a minister, would open with a prayer, and say a couple of words about Gram. Then I would sing and he would say the closing prayer. Gram took care of Luke as a young boy and his younger brother and for him do the service added a more personal touch. I told Luke I was only singing two verses, first and second, because those were known the most, which he agreed. He wanted to keep the grave site service simple and quick.


I remembered when I exited our car the smell of fresh rain, pine needles and the heat struck me. If you are not from Texas, after a quick rain shower, it is usually followed with intense heat combined with humidity - almost like walking into a sauna.


As we walked through Hooks Cemetery to Gram’s grave what struck me was how hidden it was! The cemetery itself wasn’t big; in fact, if you were driving and didn’t know you would pass it. Walking through the woods on a gravel path, and trying to avoid the ant piles and the mosquitoes, we found her resting place.


When everyone stopped and gathered around the casket, my great uncle, Gram’s sister’s husband, who is also a minister, walked up to the casket and snapped off one of the roses and stuck it into his lapel and turned to get everyone’s attention.


I have to say this was confusing to the PLAN that Luke and I had set. Before I knew what happened, Luke’s service was altered and my Great Uncle had taken over. He placed his hand on my shoulder and announced that I would lead everyone in “Amazing Grace”. I turned around opening my hymnal with my left hand, looked up, and started to conduct with my right hand. It startled me that two feet in front of me was one of my cousin's, Darrell, who I didn’t know very well. I looked around to make sure everyone was ready when a swarm of mosquitoes descended on everyone in the service.


People were swatting the pests with their hands, purses or whatever they had handy. By the second verse (which I was going to stop) a mosquito flew into my mouth. I have to say singing, keeping your composure, trying NOT to spit out a mosquito because in most assuredly would land on your cousin is without a doubt one of the hardest things I have had to do. I tried to hurry the tempo, but Darrell; I found out really liked this song. He knew every verse and sang out with all his might.


By the third and fourth verses came along the mosquitoes decided to take up residence on my head, and from the looks of everyone else they were having the same problem. I will be honest and say I lost focus on the song. My right hand that was supposed to be leading the song was beating the wave of mosquitoes trying to go into my ears, up my nose and back into my mouth, but the tempo was solid. Of course, there was an added percussion with all the slapping going on and some choreography due to many shifting around “dancing” trying to avoid the invasion. My Mom had taken off her jacket to cover my youngest who was ten months old at the time. As we approached the final note of the song everyone gave a big sigh.


Many members of the family have been back to the cemetery without the swarm of mosquitoes. I know Gram was standing there watching and laughing. What a great send off for her to leave laughing.